Humor

 

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

 

The Pope says, “What can I do?”

The Colonel says, “I need you to change the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken’. If you do it, I’ll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican.”

The Pope replies, “I am sorry. That is the Lord’s Prayer and I cannot change the words.”

 

So the Colonel hangs up.

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.

“Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I’ll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken.’”

And the Pope responds, “It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord’s Prayer, and I can’t change the words.”

So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales.

The Colonel gets desperate. “This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’ I will donate $100 million to the Vatican.”

 

The Pope replies “Let me get back to you.”

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, “I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican.”

The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news. The Pope replies, “The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account.”

 

Janey Hoffman

Membership Vice President

Gooey Butter Cake

Simple and delicious.  Try using other flavored cake mixes for a nice variation.

 

Ingredients

Cake:
1 18 1/4-ounce package yellow cake mix
1 egg
8 tablespoons butter, melted

 

Filling:
1 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
8 tablespoons butter, melted
1 16-ounce box powdered sugar

 

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Combine the cake mix, egg, and butter and mix well with an electric mixer.  Pat the mixture into the bottom of a lightly greased 13 by 9-inch baking pan.

In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese until smooth.  Add the eggs, vanilla, and butter and beat together. 

Next, add the powdered sugar and mix well.  Spread over cake batter and bake for 40 to 50 minutes.  Make sure not to over bake as the center should be a little gooey.

 

God Who Sees

Have you felt insignificant, unnoticed, unappreciated?  I have recently had to deal with those feelings.  This is not a pleasant place to be.  However, I have found great comfort in His Word. 

The ladies of our church have recently begun The Patriarch’s Bible Study by Beth Moore.  Last week we discussed Hagar and how Sarah was being mean to her after she became pregnant with Abraham’s son.  It became so bad that Hagar decided to leave and try to make it back to Egypt.  However, God had something else in mind and He stopped her and took the time to talk to her.  Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the LORD, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me?”  Genesis 16:13 (NLT)

As a result of this encounter, we are given the name El Roi for God.  It means the God who sees.  God sees all and He cares for all.  If He will take the time to pay attention to one who is not His, can you imagine what He will do for the ones who are His? 

In the study, Beth Moore writes this, “He sees no one else care to look.  He sees through the smile we wear when we’re dying inside.  He sees our hurt when we’re mistreated.  He sees us when we cry into our pillow because we feel unloved.  He sees beyond our sin into the depth of our need.  He sees when we’re hiding.  Running.  He sees when we continue to sow the seed of His Word even in the floodplain of our grief.  He is the God who sees you.”

The next time you begin to feel insignificant, unnoticed, unappreciated remember, you serve El Roi, the God who sees you.

Theresa Shurtleff

2014 BSAM Program VP

 

Mini Pizza Snacks

Mini Pizza Snacks

These make a great appetizer or snack for your Super Bowl party!

1 pound of pork sausage
1 Tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
2 Tablespoons ketchup
1 pound Velveeta (or similar) cheese
Garlic salt and ground oregano to taste
1 loaf party size rye or pumpernickel bread

Brown and drain sausage, then sprinkle with Worcestershire sauce and add the ketchup.
Melt cheese over low heat or in microwave; stir in the prepared sausage.
Spread on individual slices of party-size bread.
Sprinkle with a touch of garlic salt and ground oregano.
Bake on cookie sheets at 400 degrees Fahrenheit for 3-5 minutes.

Can be made ahead of time, frozen and used as needed.  Allow to thaw slightly and increase baking time if frozen.

Juanita Golden
BSAM President-Elect 2013

Why I can be Thankful for Exercise

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I can give thanks for a lot of things in Christ Jesus:  my husband, my family, my health, my church and my friends. Is it possible to give thanks to exercise in some way? I think it can happen if we just change our thinking a little.  I can give thanks to exercise when I think of all the positive effects it can have on my body, spirit and mind. There are so many new and challenging benefits of exercise today. Exercise may even improve our mood and memory.

Here are some ideas for staying fit this Thanksgiving:

  • Check out if your city has a “turkey-trot,” typically a 5K run on Thanksgiving for a little pre-meal workout. Don’t worry if you are not a runner, you can always power walk it.
  • If you are making the meal, choose healthier options such as less butter in the foods, fresh cranberries instead of canned, and fruit or salad sides.
  • If you are not making the whole meal, offer to bring a healthy side. How about a vegetable tray, homemade stuffing (you know what you put in it – make it healthier), corn without gobs of butter, lightened-up pumpkin pie…be creative!
  • Get your family out moving with you. Go for a walk after the big meal to get it digesting, play football or catch together, play charades, take the dog for a walk, or anything else active that you all like to do.
  • When getting food buffet-style: only have 3 things on your plate at a time. You can always go back again, but if it’s not on your plate, you might re-think needing to eat it.
  • Drink water. Enough said.
  • Know that it was one day, one huge meal (averaging 3,000 calories!), and do better tomorrow.
  • Keep up activity through the whole holiday season. You can always take a few minutes to do body-weight resistance exercises (plank, push-ups, etc.) and pack your walking shoes when traveling.
  • Spend time being thankful for all that you have, and toast your health and wellbeing

Some days maybe harder than others, but I want to be all I can spiritually, mentally and physically for the Kingdom of Christ.  So get active and enjoy the beautiful gift of exercise this holiday season.

Cyndee Longe

BSAM Historian 2013

 

Grandma’s Wacky Cake

GRANDMA’S WACKY CAKE

This is a Depression era cake recipe.  It also goes by the name of Vinegar Cake.  It is a perfect alternative for those who are allergic to milk or eggs.

Don’t let the ingredients fool you, give it a try.  It is so good you don’t need frosting!  Best served warm topped with a sprinkling of powdered sugar.

You will need an  8” x 8” pan, glass or metal.  Do not grease the pan.

Sift the following ingredients into the baking pan and mix thoroughly:
1 ½ cups flour
1 cup granulated white sugar
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
¼ cup cocoa powder

Mound the mixed dry ingredients up and make 3 deep holes in the mound with a knife.  Put one of the following ingredients in each hole in the order listed:
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 Tablespoon white vinegar

Pour 1 cup COLD water over all the ingredients and mix well with a spoon.  Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Hope you enjoy this family favorite!
Juanita Golden
BSAM President-Elect 2013

God is so Good !

After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery.  I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies.

I felt this was no accident, so I prayed … “Lord, it’s up to you , if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery.”

And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was! God is so Good!”

2013 BSAM Conference Snap Shots

Here are a few reasons to attend the BSAM Annual Conference 

Worship

Worship Time

Fellowship

Fellowship

Fun and Games

Fun and Games

Break Out Sessions

Break Out Sessions

Eager Driver

A young man comes home and says “Dad, I  just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.”

Father replies, :”O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we’ll see.”

Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. “Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I’ve been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?”

Father replies, “That’s all true, but son you didn’t cut your hair.”

Son says, “But, dad, Jesus had long hair.”

Father replies, “Yes, son, you’re perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went.”

Janey Hoffman

Membership VP

A Snake in the Office

The Snake in the Office

Alone in the office and busy with end-of-the week details I didn’t see it right away.  Actually, I had probably walked past it a time or two before it caught my eye.   When I reached toward the worm, tissue in hand, it coiled and opened its tiny mouth.  That’s when I knew – SNAKE!

I withdrew to my desk and watched it closely as it writhed and twisted, trying desperately to figure out how to crawl across the carpet.  The very sight gave me the shivers.  My thoughts drifted back to the pair of black snakes my colleagues and I had seen in our flower bed last year.  Obviously, they were still around and multiplying.  Then my mind wandered down another path:  If that one is here, where are its litter mates!  I spent the rest of the morning with my feet off the floor as much as possible, watching carefully for anything that would indicate the culprit was not alone.

This made me think of another serpent.  We first catch a glimpse of him in Genesis 3:1, “Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made.”  We know him by another name, the devil.  He raises his ugly head again and again in Scripture, but never so blatantly as in Luke 3:2 where we read that Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit and fasted for 40 days “being tempted by the devil.”  The Apostle Paul even warned the church at Corinth, “But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:3).

So, what are we to do when faced with the “snakes” that plague our lives?

1.            Redirect our focus.  That temptation is not as beautiful as it may appear.  Keep our
eyes on the Savior. Christ desires our obedience and devotion far above external service
and the appearance of godliness.

2.            Use the same tactic Jesus used to defeat the devil.  He spoke the Word of God in answer
to the devil’s vain offerings.  Our strength comes from abiding in God’s Word.

3.            Refuse to be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.  He gave His
life to redeem us from the curse of sin.  He deserves our undivided loyalty.

When we do these things, we can then claim the victory declared to Eve in Genesis 3:15, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; He shall bruise you on the head and you shall bruise him on the heel.”   You see, a bruised heel will cause us to limp, but a hard blow to the head is more likely fatal.  Jesus struck that blow against the devil for us with his death, burial and resurrection.   Believe it, live it, share it.

Oh, by the way, I know this approach works because I have seen it in action.  I dropped a box of Bibles on the snake.  It never moved again.  Poetic justice don’t you think!

Juanita Golden
2013 BSAM President-Elect